Thursday, January 19, 2012

It's A Process.....

   Well, I Find That I Am Still Going Through The Process Of Recovering. Not Just From Physical Injury, But Also A Little Bit Of Emotional And Spiritual Injury. How Do I Explain That In So Many Words? Well, I've Been A Part-Time To Full-Time Caretaker For My Wife For 20+ Years Now. I Never Understood How That Effects You As A Spouse. See, My Wife Has Had Many Health Issues Over The Years. A Back Operation To Repair Disc, Multiple Surgeries For Female Problems (Even Though Giving Birth To My Lovely Son), And Year Before Last, A Complete Knee Replacement. Not To Mention Multiple Infections And Confinements To The Hospital. But, All The While I Have Stood Beside Her Because I Love Her And I Love My Children. And I Guess I Never Thought About The Toll This Might Be Taking On Myself. I Guess Last Year I Had A Minor Breakdown Of Sorts That Landed Me In The Hospital Myself..... Not Fun. Nothing Like Being Confined When You Don't Think There's Anything Wrong With You. Not Like I Was Running Around Ripping My Clothes Off And Running Naked Through The Streets With A Flowerpot On My Head, Screaming Quotes By Machiavelli Or Anything Like That.
  But, I Guess I Finally Collapsed Under The Pressure Of It. And Still....Even After Coming Home And Now, Months Later...Well....Back To The Same Situation? I Hope And Pray Not. She's Getting Better All The Time And Making Progress.
  So ...Why Am I Saying All This? Maybe To Just Get Some Of It Off My Chest. Maybe A Cry For A Little Bit Of Help With The Situation? Or..Just Asking For Your Prayers To Strengthen Both Of Us. See..I Don't Mind Exposing My Weaknesses To People Anymore. Because I Know The One Who Gives Me My Strength. And Has Been The One Who Has Kept Me Going Through All These Years.
  His Name Is Jesus. He's Pretty Cool. Yeah, Yeah.....I Know. "Oh Great, Another One Of Those Jesus Freaks." Well....All I Can Say Is It's Not The Jesus That So Many Churches And Religions Supposedly Portray. This Is Someone Who, When You Honestly Call From The Deepest Part Of Your Heart, He Will Answer.
Even In My Darkest Times.....When I Found Out My Only Child Had Stage 4 Cancer....And Now A Year And A Half Later, Is Totally Clear.....Don't Tell Me That He's Not Real. And That He Doesn't Hear From His Throne In The Heavens....Every Time I'm Able To Sit There And Watch My Son Sleep....That's A Miracle Straight From His Hand.
  Look...All I Can Tell You Is To Give Him A Try. Suspend What You Know...Or Think You Know...And Try Just Coming With The Heart Of A Child And See If He Doesn't Show Up....
     Until Later...........<3'n Jesus,k.

PS:  If My Mom And Sister Are Reading This....I Love You Both Very Much.<3